Getting laid off from my job was the best thing that could have happened to not only myself but my family. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t come without panic filled moments and tears, but it opened my eyes to what is truly important. You see, I am not one that would ever quit my job without something else being lined up, even if it was killing me inside… and that is what was happening to me the last couple of years.

Since having kids I struggled with a very demanding career and being a mom to two young children. I tried every day to find the balance we are all searching for but it’s just impossible. The real kicker is that I didn’t even enjoy what I was doing. I was not passionate about the job at all. It didn’t fulfill me in any way other than making us financially comfortable (which I know is not a bad thing). I worked for the company for 14 years with the last 8 being from home. I was grateful that it allowed me to move back to Cape Cod where my husband and I were from and where we wanted to raise our children, but working from home is not easy. I constantly felt like taking a sick day was frowned upon and working the standard hours I was paid for, wasn’t enough. When you work from home it’s very hard to have a shut off. In fact, when my youngest was barely 3 months old and my daughter was just about to turn 2, I got the flu. It was AWFUL. My husband was travelling for work which made it even worse. I was petrified that the kids were going to get it, so per the doctor’s suggestion, I nursed my son every hour so he could get my antibodies. I did this while working. I didn’t take one sick day because it was our month end time (which was always our busiest time) and I didn’t want to put my work on someone else. When I look back on that moment now, I think why? Why did I do that to myself and not take the time I needed to focus on myself and my family’s wellbeing? Despite not loving what I did, I always gave it 110%. To get laid off after 14 years of consistently putting my job above myself was like a punch in the gut… but everything happens for a reason.

In May, just 4 months after I lost my job, my dad unexpectedly passed away. It was hard. Really hard. Thankfully around that same time, my mom retired so I had her to lean on more than ever. As much as I struggled with the grief of a daughter losing her father, I struggled more with the loss my children were feeling for their “Papa”. This was the first heartache they had felt and as their mother is was ripping me apart. I let them see me cry and welcomed them to cry along with me. We talked about how we were feeling and why we were sad. We relished going through old pictures and laughed at all the silly ones we had taken. Losing my dad so soon after losing my job is something I am now grateful for because it’s given me a clear vision of what life is all about and what is most important to me. As parents we see firsthand how quickly time passes. I know I will never get this time back with my children so I am holding on to every moment I can. I truly love nothing more than spending time with them and watching them learn and grow through things I am doing with them.

My days now consist of dropping my kids off and picking them up from preschool (I have one there T/TH and one M/W/F) while getting some one on one time with each of them throughout the week. I now can volunteer at the school whenever I feel like it and attend every holiday event and field trip without feeling like I’m going to get in trouble at work. My husband has always been amazing with contributing to the household chores but I now can take on the brunt of those while he focuses on his career, which he is so passionate about. It has been SOOOOO different than what we have been used to since becoming parents. Our mornings aren’t crazy chaotic anymore and our nights aren’t spent throwing dinner together and putting the kids to bed so we can get back to work. We are enjoying this time more than ever while we figure out what’s next for me. But if i’m being totally honest, it hasn’t come without some hard times.

I guess in some ways I’ve always identified with being a “hard worker” and not working is making me feel like I’m missing something. I don’t know why in this day and age being a stay at home mom has made us feel in some ways like we are doing something wrong, but having been a full time working mom and a stay at home mom, I’m here to tell you with 100% certainty, a “SAHM” is the hardest job out there. It’s probably the most satisfying because you are able to invest your time and energy into who you love most, but holy moly it’s not easy. The amount of patience it takes is off the charts. I no longer get to eat lunch by myself in silence or enjoy a hot cup of coffee at my desk but I sure do get more kisses and snuggles than ever before which is a fair trade off.

I know most of you are probably thinking “but how?”, so I will tell you. When I was laid off I was paid a decent severance for my years worked. This allowed me to cut costs (childcare) and save every penny I could. I have always been very good with money which is probably why I majored in Math, got my MBA and worked in Finance. I started working 25ish years ago as a paper girl and have consistently had a job ever since. My goal has always been to never live above my means and keep my debt low. Thankfully my husband shares this same mindset so we have always been the type to pay off debt before going on a family vacation or splurging on things we don’t necessarily need. We’ve met with financial advisors who have eased our mind and told us we are ok. We can take a couple years to figure it out before our kids are in school full time and everything changes. For that, I am beyond relieved. Whatever I do next, I want it to be with purpose. I’ve contemplated going into teaching because I am most passionate about seeing children learn new things. Maybe I start my own business doing bookkeeping for small businesses. That would allow me to do the work in my own time while balancing being a mom. Maybe I start teaching kids the value of savings, paying off debt and how credit works. I don’t know, but what I do know is my days working for a large corporation are over. Life is too short to work rigorously for executives who will never know your name or how much you are putting your job before all else. I’m excited for the future and to see what’s next in my journey. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas or has been through this same type of transition, I welcome the feedback.

**This picture was taken last year at the preschool Halloween parade… we miss you Papa but will be sure to eat lots of “day old” baked goods from the grocery store on your birthday this week in memory of you. He always loved getting a good deal on sweet treats 😉